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What is the main point of the essay?
The main point of the essay focuses on elements of privacy in the workplace, such as having email accounts that are not accessible to anyone else in the workplace, and the use of surveillance of employees by employers or other employees.
What is the greatest strength of this essay?
The greatest strength of this essay is the author’s personal conviction that privacy, of some degree, should be maintained whether a person is at work or not. The author needs to support his stance with references that support/prove he is right in thinking this way.
What material does not seem to fit the main point of the essay, or does not seem to be appropriate for the audience?
The material the author uses fits the point of the essay; however, he asks questions in his essay which should not be done. It is the author’s responsibility to take a stand on the topic, (choose a side of the argument) and defend his opinion with known facts, using references, preferably from scholarly reports. For example, using statistics such as the number of white-collar crimes that occur in offices that do not have surveillance cameras, compared to statistics in offices that do have surveillance cameras, would be a good factual reference to support the side of the argument that surveillance cameras reduce white-collar crime, or the side of the argument that says the opposite.
Has the author sufficiently addressed counter-arguments?
No. I would suggest narrowing the topic down to a specific type of privacy invasion in the workplace, such as use of surveillance cameras, and presenting facts on that specific issue.
Where should the author add more details or examples? Explain your answer.
See all above questions. Author needs to answer questions his reading audience has about this topic, not ask more questions of his audience. Essays are used to convey substantiated opinion to readers and to inform readers of things they might not have known otherwise. One good question put to the reading audience can be acceptable in an essay provided it truly is an unanswerable question by the author, and has no known reference, or few references of poor quality. The subject of the question then has potential to be studied in future, to produce facts that are useful.
Where is the writing unclear or vague?
The author’s writing does not offer enough support to make it a strong argument. He uses phrases such as “of course” without any reference to back this up as a fact. A phrase such as this should be deleted from an essay regardless of reference support, as it is considered a redundant phrase when used with a reference, and opinion when used without a reference.
What is your favorite part of this piece of writing?
I really like the passion that comes through in the writing and the general knowledge that the author has on this subject; however, he needs to prove that what he thinks is true, is true in the majority of cases. This is a relatively new subject and references specific to this subject may be hard to find simply because there has not been enough time to study it. The author could draw parallel comparisons of other subjects that are very similar, that have known results with references, then suggest that this particular subject area lacks research to draw any firm conclusions at the present time. This would provide a fact on this subject for the reader.
What other comments can you provide for the author?
Check spelling; there are several spelling errors. Use correct possessive pronouns (their, there). Try searching for information in subject areas of human behavior, sociology, psychology and criminology. Economics is also a subject that could have statistical information to support monetary advantages and disadvantages of impinging on personal freedoms in the workplace.
This is a good subject to research and keep in the public sphere because many people are not aware of the details of privacy invasion and how it can affect their lives, either in a positive way or a negative way. I would be interested to know quantities of things such as how many employees are specifically hired to monitor other employee’s emails, etc. Again, this information might be difficult to find, and the author would have to do more investigative research to find the answers; however, the essay would gain a lot of strength with this sort of information.